Monthly Archives: August 2009
PICTURE OF ELDERLY PERSON DRINKING OUT OF PAPER CUP
A list of search terms used by people who have ended up on this blog:
dishwasher dogs adverts
donald o hebb sensory deprivation experiment
i like boring things… line from up
wicked zinger tower meal
currys dishwasher advert poster
currys advert dishwasher
dishwashers advert
i like boring things james
desmond morris status sex
currys dishwasher advert
kfc zinger burger go large
square colouring
currys dishwasher advert
currys dishwasher
i’m a boring man with a lot of boring things to say
currys urgently need a dishwasher
my life in pens i like boring things
good sensory deprivation headphones
currys need a dishwasher advert
rob gannon kingston, on pepsi
i like boring things
buy staedtler stick 430 m gt britain
currys next day delivery advert
currys advert urgently need a new dishwasher
currys dishwasher advert
i like boring things
kfc zinger burger box meal
urgently in need of a dishwasher currys
does the 69 bus go to leyton mills
currys dog poster advert
how much is a zinger tower meal from kfc
desmond morris masturbation
boring things
zinger burger contents
“boring things”
currys dishwasher poster
home made sensory deprivation
currys advert dog licking plate
kfc zinger meal add
inside the black box sensory deprivation
advert currys dog licking plate
“need a dishwasher” currys advert dog
urgently need a dishwasher currys
“bic cristal”
need new dishwasher advert dog licking plate
colouring in competitions august 2009
zinger burger describe
panic sensory deprivation
status and superstatus by desmond morris
urgently need a dishwasher currys ad
“worcester park”
i like boring things
currys need a dishwasher urgently dog
kfc wicked zinger box meal
zinger tower wicked meal
worcester.park
latest currys advert urgently need a dishwasher
blogs on kfc zinger burger
urgently need a dishwasher delivery
“pret a manger”
currys “need a dishwasher”
picture of elderly person drinking out of paper cup
bent nib
desmond morris+on aggression
I think it’s safe to say that every single one of these people was disappointed.
MY LIFE IN PENS: PART 3 – PENS OF TODAY
This is the final part in a three-part pen-based autobiography. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.
Inevitably, the previous entries involved a certain amount of simplification. Details were smoothed out. Some pens completely overlooked. Shameful, I know, but I had to make some sacrifices for the sake of narrative clarity. I hope you can forgive me. This part of my pen-based autobiography, concentrating on my life today, will be more detailed. Rather than taking a chronological approach, I will describe the four pens I currently use in terms of function.
Pen: Staedtler Stick 430M
Ink colour: black
Comments: My current day-to-day pen, as mentioned at the end of My Life In Pens – Part 2. Whilst I am a big fan of this pen, I don’t feel quite as strongly about it as Laura, who in response to my previous entry, wrote:
I am 32 and it is all aspire to in life, pen-wise. I love it and have been known to raid shops when I thought there was a shortage.
It is actually surprisingly difficult to find places which sell this pen. I’m not suggesting it’s impossible to find somewhere which sells this pen, but it’s slightly more difficult than you might imagine. While Laura is convinced the Staedtler Stick 430M is the only pen she’ll ever need, for me, there are other pens more suited to particular applications. Still, I do really like this pen.
Pen: Bic Atlantis Stic
Ink colour: black
Comments: This is the pen I use for signing greeting cards or letters. The 1.2mm tip produces a 0.8mm line, and features exclusive Easy-Glide System™ Ink Technology:
Easy-Glide System™ ink technology writes 50% smoother and bolder than BIC’s regular ball pen ink.
I feel that the smooth, bold line produced by the Easy-Glide System ™ conveys a feeling of friendliness and bonhomie towards the lucky recipient of my card. A relaxed urbane easy grace. Or, if it’s a bereavement card, it can suggest warmth and sympathy. None of these emotions are genuine, of course, which is why I rely on a specially selected pen.
I am also rather taken by the subtle, soft, flowing curves of the Atlantis. It makes a pleasing counterpoint to the stark Staedtler Stick 430M. The romantic French and the austere Germans.
As far as I am aware, the Bic Atlantis is the only range from Bic to be named after a mythical lost city from classical antiquity.
Pen: Bic Orange Fine
Ink colour: black
Comments: For a long time, I never liked the Bic Orange Fine. It was the orange casing which put me off. I’m not sure why the world of pen manufacture decided that the finer tipped versions of all pens should have orange casing, but it appears they did. Even Staedtler have a version of the Stick 430 in orange (the Stick 430 F). Of course, I now realise this anti-Orange feeling was little more than racism, and having given the Orange Fine a chance, I’ve found that it is actually a rather fine little pen. It’s especially good for writing in little note books, where smallness of letter is key.
This advert from Portugal, explaining the difference between the Bic Cristal and Bic Orange Fine is one of my favourite things in the world.
I think the lyrics basically go something like:
Bic! Bic! Bic Bic Bic!
Bic Bic Bic! Bic Orange.
Bic Bic Bic! Bic Crystal.
Bic Orange, Bic Crystal.
You can choose from two ways to write;
Bic Orange for writing fine,
Bic Crystal for writing normal.
Bic Orange, Bic Crystal.
You can choose from two ways to write.
Bic! Bic! Bic Bic Bic!
I particularly like the whistle right at the end. There’s also a Spanish version which has a funky little bass line running through it:
Pen: Bic Cristal Clic
Ink colour: black
Comments: This is the pen I use when I am Twirl Spotting:
This is an ideal pen as it combines the reliability of the Bic Cristal with the convenience of a retractable nib. No fiddling around with a lid, just a simple click action. I haven’t had any problems with this pen so far.
What I also like about this pen is the detailing – the way the click button is shaped to resemble the lid of the traditional Cristal. That’s a nice touch.
MY LIFE IN PENS: PART 2 – BECOMING MYSELF
This is the second part in a three-part pen-based autobiography. Part 1 is here and Part 3 is here.
Age: 11
Pen: Parker Jotter
Ink colour: blue
Comments: Moving to secondary school requires a more serious type of pen. Bye bye Berol. The Parker Jotter was apparently the first ballpoint pen marketed by Parker, and over 750 million have been sold. Having said that, I think Parker have slightly overestimated how iconic the Jotter is:
The Parker Jotter is a design classic and a household name, preferred the world over for its quality, durability and great value for money. It’s popular, dynamic and personifies the social side of writing with bright, lively colours and a practical, simple shape. Fun and friendly, anytime, anywhere – Jotter is the perfect Parker companion.
The Parker website also has an incredible writing simulator, which allows you to choose a “postcard”, select whether you want a fountain pen, roller ball, ballpoint or pencil, and then write a little message:
Look at how I avoided writing swear words. Are you proud of me? I’m always amazed those little pads that people use to test new pens in Ryman aren’t just covered in obscenities. Well done Britain. I once had a vague idea of collecting those bits of paper from Ryman. I thought it’d make a nice little website or something. But then I couldn’t be bothered.
Age: 12
Pen: Parker Frontier
Ink colour: black
Comments: My second Parker, the Frontier. After a year of using the Jotter, I wanted something which combined the conservative tradition of Parker but was also more forward-thinking. I wanted to push the boundaries, while at the same time, building on the expertise I had gained. Something contemporary, distinctive and dependable, with more than a hint of style. Fortunately, the Frontier was ideal:
An intriguing mixture of the conservative and the forward-thinking, Frontier brings Parker quality to people who want to push the boundaries – but who know the value that comes from expertise. With a unique blend of durable, soft-touch materials and smooth, lustrous finishes, it’s contemporary, distinctive and dependable – with more than a hint of style.
It was also around this time that I switched to black ink. It seemed like a more logical partner for a sheet of white paper. Black and white. Like the words on this page, like the words in a newspaper, a book, pretty much any written material. It added authority to my words, words which needed authority as they had none of their own.
Age: 13 to 15
Pen: Bic M10 Clic
Ink colour: black
Comments: After a couple of years of Parker pens, I realised that, actually, they’re not all that impressive. I wanted something more simple. One day, in Folwers Stationers (117 Central Road, Worcester Park), I spotted something I had never seen before – a Bic M10 Clic. I had imagined that this was a brand new innovation in pen design, although actually it appears the M10 was launched in 1956, almost forty years before I discovered it in Fowlers that fateful day. Soon, I had the full set – black, blue, red and green. Although I abandoned blue, it was still useful for labelling diagrams. So was green – indeed this appears to be the only situation in which it’s considered acceptable to use green ink. I was always led to believe that green ink was traditionally used by finance people for some reason, and anyone else who used it was immediately labelled a lunatic. I’m not sure if this association with insanity has anything to do with this:
Age: 16 to 24
Pen: Bic Cristal
Ink colour: black
Comments: From the M10, I moved to the Cristal. It was at this point that my relationship with stationery connected to a wider aesthetic, an ideology. Studying Warhol and Claes Oldenburg, I began to appreciate the iconic beauty of everyday objects. I began to want to surround myself with the most definitive versions of things. If I was thirsty, I’d drink Coke (though I preferred Pepsi). If I was hungry, I’d eat a Big Mac (though I preferred Chicken McNuggets).
Richard Hamilton inspired cover of this book which I have never read, but it looks quite good.
It was a way of avoiding having to make decisions, I could be totally passive and surrender myself to the collective will of society. I read Duchamp. Eno. Perec. Venturi. I became interested in automation, industrialisation, Fordism, globalisation. “Ugly and ordinary” instead of “heroic and original”. I found boring things interesting (“I like boring things”).
It was obvious then that I would choose the Bic Cristal (even if, secretly, I preferred the Staedtler Stick 430M – see below). Over a hundred billion sold. A design classic, included as part of the Museum Of Modern Art’s permanent collection. What other pen, other than the Bic Cristal could be used for something like this?
This is my desktop wallpaper.
Age: 25+
Pen: Staedtler Stick 430M
Ink colour: black
Comments: Of course, that kind of aesthetic militancy can’t last forever. Eventually, you leave school, leave university, get a proper job, settle down, mellow out. With me, this took the form of feeling relaxed enough to give in to my true desire and switch to the Staedtler Stick 430M. Just look at that strong silhouette, classic German design.
I feel more comfortable in myself now – although, tragically, this feeling of ease was reached at the same moment that both the trajectory of my life and the development of technology coincided, with the result that I now write on a computer more than I do by pen.
MY LIFE IN PENS: PART 1 – THE EARLY YEARS
This is the first part in a three-part pen-based autobiography. Part 2 is here and Part 3 is here.
Age: 3 and under
Pen: wax crayon
Comments: Not actually a pen, of course. I would have been too young; chunky crayons more suitable for clumsy fingers. Soft wax which, had I stabbed myself or attempted to insert it somewhere, wouldn’t cause any serious injury. I’m not sure what happens if a child eats a wax crayon, but as I’d imagine it happens quite often, I guess it can’t be too serious. Probably doesn’t taste very nice though.
I have no real specific memories of crayons from this period. I think at this age, I would have just been using generic “chunky wax crayons”, it would be later that I would get a set of Crayola crayons. This list of all 133 (including 13 retired colours) Crayola colours is a brilliant piece of Wikipediaism. It never really occurred to me that crayons could be so political:
The color known as Flesh was renamed Peach in 1962, partially in response to the U.S. Civil Rights Movement. Indian Red was renamed Chestnut in 1999 due to concern that some children thought the crayon color represented the skin color of Native Americans. According to the company, however, the name originally referred to a reddish-brown pigment from India that is used in artists’ oil paint.
Age: 4 to 6
Pen: pencil
Comments: Again, not a pen. I don’t really remember which pencil I used to use back then, although the Staedtler Noris range is definitely one I associate with my childhood, although I was rather sniffy about it in my review on Amazon of the Tradition. This isn’t a Noris proper, it’s a Noris Club Triplus Jumbo, which might not have even been available when I was younger. I’ve included a picture of it though because it is also the pencil I bought most recently – I wanted quite a fat pencil as I was laying some flooring and wanted something chunky to mark up the boards.
If you’ve ever wondered how pencils are made, and like women with weird sexy robot voices, you might enjoy this video:
Age: 7 to 9
Pen: Berol Handwriting pen
Ink colour: blue
Comments: My first pen! At last! I was never really sure why Berol decided this was a “Handwriting” pen. The Berol website doesn’t go into much detail either:
A plastic tipped pen that is specially designed for children’s use at home and at school. Ideal for classroom and home use, the pen has a smooth ink flow to ensure effortless writing. Washable ink and will not dry out for at least 14 days if the cap is left off. Black, Blue and Dark Blue ink with 0.6mm line width
I’m fairly sure that at our school, they believed it was quite an important thing to move from pencil to Handwriting Pen. I think they believed it was a privilege which had to be earned, and it was only if you had satisfied the teacher with your ability to correctly write in joined-up (something which as soon as I was free from the shackles of primary school I abandoned, at least in part – I now tend to join pairs of letters rather than full words. Some pairs are particularly pleasing to write – I have always enjoyed writing “of”, for instance. A pleasure lost since typing replaced handwriting as my most common form of written communication – although I do always enjoy typing the last six letters of my name “es Ward”). I seem to remember a divide forming within our class at school – those still on pencil, and those (such as myself) fast-tracked onto pen. This seems quite cruel, so possibly isn’t how it really was at all. Some of my memories are certainly fiction (like the way I remember everyone in my class suddenly switching to saying “haitch” instead of “aitch”, much to my frustration. This did sort of happen, but I don’t think it was a sudden event in the way I remember it to be).
Age: 10
Pen: Berol Fineline
Ink colour: blue
Comments: Once I had mastered the Handwriting Pen, the next step up was the Berol Fineline. This pen, with its finer nib (0.4mm compared to the sturdy 0.6mm Handwriting Pen), had to be handled more delicately. Otherwise, the nib could bend or possibly even snap off entirely. I still have nightmares about bent nibs. Actually, that is not true. I have never had a nightmare about a bent nib, although it did bother me a lot at the time. I’m probably interested in stationery quite a lot more than most people, and so this sort of thing doesn’t bother them. Bent nibs, contaminated slabs of Blu Tack, chewed biros or biros with missing lids, Crayola crayons with torn paper sleeves, ANY evidence that the rubber on the end of a pencil has been used. All these things make me unhappy. But why? Stationery is supposed to be used. They’re functional objects. It is my tragedy.
