Yesterday, I went to London Zoo.
As I sat on the train, a small boy sitting opposite me ate a hollow chocolate Santa. Just two weeks ago, this chocolate would have been almost impossibly exciting, but now, it seemed tinged with disappointment, just like the Advent Calendars marked down to 99p in Costcutters. The small boy and his family were going to the London Eye. I’ve never been on the London Eye. Maybe I’ll go at some point.
I got the tube at Waterloo and noticed that the two blonde twins from Hollyoaks were sitting nearby. They hadn’t died in that fire at the Dog In The Pond, after all. Unless they were ghosts. They got off at Tottenham Court Road, and I noticed a teenage girl take off her headphones and whisper something in her dad’s ear. He looked around and I could see him mouth the word “Who?”
I got to the zoo. It was cold. There weren’t many people around. There weren’t many animals either.
I watched a sacred ibis eating a dead mouse:
Actually, it didn’t really seem interested in eating it. It just kind of flicked it around a bit, ensuring the mouse lost whatever dignity it had in life. There was a shit stained information board telling visitors about the bird:
I saw a giraffe:
And a tiger:
And a lion:
There were meerkats:
I watched the meerkats for a while, but as they ran around and scrambled over the rocks and branches in their enclosure, I found it hard to tell them apart. Ideally, there should be some sort of way of differenciating between them. A kind of meerkat rating system to distinguish one meerkat from another, perhaps it could be online, like those price comparison websites you see advertised on TV all the time. Some way of comparing meerkats. They could get Gio Compario to appear in the adverts. He could sing a song.
After a while, I began to find the bits where there weren’t any animals more interesting than the animals themselves. I like the idea of paying eighteen pounds to go and look at some mud and bits of old wood and concrete: