The other day, I watched a programme showing various acts from this year’s Edinburgh Festival:
During his short set, Widdicombe talks about how where he is staying in Edinburgh is nicer than where actually lives during the rest of the year (skip to about 9mins 10secs). “I moved six months ago” he explains.
I moved to quite a rough area. To give you an idea, when we moved in, the estate agent – one of the ways he sold it to us – he said “Well, it’s a great location because you’re just across the road from Argos Extra.” If you don’t know Argos Extra, it’s a smaller version of Argos.
Now, this is simply wrong.
Argos Extra stores are the largest of all the Argos stores. That’s why they’re called “Argos Extra”. It wouldn’t make sense to call them “Argos Extra” if they were smaller than normal Argos stores. Widdicombe seems aware of this contradiction, but rather than question his own assertion that Argos Extra stores are smaller than normal Argos stores, he suggests Argos are engaging in some kind of obscure wordplay.
They’ve used the rare definition of “extra” to mean far, far less.
Argos aren’t being sarcastic, Josh. They just want to sell people kettles. They’re not interested in irony.
And the audience. The audience all laugh along happily. Not one person challenges this liar. If I’d been there, I’d have stood up and shouted “NO. ARGOS EXTRA STORES ARE LARGER THAN NORMAL ARGOS STORES. THAT’S WHY THEY’RE CALLED ARGOS EXTRA. IT WOULDN’T MAKE SENSE OTHERWISE WOULD IT? THEY’RE NOT BEING SARCASTIC. THEY JUST WANT TO SELL PEOPLE KETTLES. THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED IN IRONY. YOU’RE THINKING OF ARGOS CALL & COLLECT STORES. THEY’RE SMALLER THAN NORMAL ARGOS STORES. NOW APOLOGISE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND LEAVE THE STAGE, YOU CHARLATAN”. Then I’d have stormed out, kicking over tables and hurling chairs in the air as I left. There would have been a moment of silence, as everyone tried to understand what had just happened. Eventually, someone would gasp “He’s right!” and, as the scales fell from their eyes, they would all follow me outside, hoist me upon their shoulders, carry me through the streets and make me their king.
That would have been a shame, because I would then have missed the rest of his set, and the line about shopping at Argos being like playing Battleships is quite brilliant, but he needlessly compromised the integrity of that joke by building it on a foundation of lies, and for that, he must die.
Anyway, to avoid any further confusion, here is an explanation of each store type taken from the Argos website:
What is the difference between a regular Argos store and an Argos Extra store?
Argos Extra stores are bigger stores that keep the full range of Argos Extra products in-store so you can take them away straightaway. We’re constantly opening new Argos Extra stores so there should be one near you. All Argos Extra stores are identified with the Extra symbol on the Store locator, in your trolley and in the catalogue.
Our regular Argos stores keep the regular Argos range but can get Extra items in for you, usually within 3 working days. Remember, if you want to buy an Extra item from a regular Argos store, you can order by using Check and Reserve to save yourself a journey!
What is the difference between a regular Argos store and an Argos Call & Collect store?
Argos Call & Collect stores are smaller stores that don’t hold any stock, but they can get both regular and items in for you. Argos Call & Collect stores are used as a pick-up point to save you a long journey to your nearest stocked-in store!
Remember you can still get all your favourite products at these stores – all you have to do is order your items before you visit the store. You can make an order over the phone and then collect your order from the store usually within 3 working days.
Please print this out and learn it. There will be a test.